The New Kid
by Neemphadourah Tawncks
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth view on things. Will everyone be able to retain their sanity? ***Episode Ten Up***
1. Her Arrival and Lack of Sanity

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things. Will everyone be able to retain their remainder of sanity for episode two?  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode One: Her Arrival and Lack of Sanity  
  
Harry: Yay, another year away from my fat spoiled ass of a cousin and his stupid parents!  
  
*All the students over second year sit down at their tables, waiting for Dumbledore to start talking*  
  
Dumbledore: Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have great news to start of the year! We have our first american student coming this year!  
  
*the students cheer weakly*  
  
Dumbledore: Well, due to such things in America as owl hunting, the new student will be automatically entering her third year, and be tutored by someone in her house. Melony, where are you?  
  
*Dumbledore looks around over the crowd of first years in front of the sorting hat, when the doors bang open, revealing a tall 13 year old. She has shoulder blade length blonde hair, lightly tanned skin, and black cat eye glasses. She is slipping on her robe over her ripped jeans and black tour t-shirt, her mudded white sneakers showing under. She stops a foot behind the group of first years*  
  
Melony: Sorry I'm late, the plane delayed while at the stop in New York.  
  
*all the purebloods stare at her, trying to figure out what a "plane" is*  
  
Dumbledore: Would you like to be sorted first?  
  
Melony: Err ... wha?  
  
Dumbledore: Go sit on the stool while-  
  
Sorting Hat: Has everyone forgotten about me and my song?  
  
*Melony looks startled about the hat talking*  
  
Dumbledore: You sing that crappy song every year, I think this year we could just save time and get started with the sorting  
  
*Melony is in total shock that the man is talking to a hat*  
  
Dumbledore: Melony, go ahead and sit on the stool, and the hat will sort you into your house.  
  
Melony: And the what will sort me into a whatwhat?  
  
*Dumbledore ignores her, and she slowly walks onto the stage, trying to figure out what they do here. She sits on the stool while McGonagall puts the hat on her*  
  
Sorting Hat: *mumbles into her ear* MY GOD! I have never had to sort someone with such a...likeness to a couch potato. Ok, well, since you spend all your time on the computer, I am going to sort you by what games you play on the computer...Coaster Makers take skill, and Deer Hunters take courage, so...GRYFFINDOR!  
  
Melony: What the...  
  
*The whole Gryffindor table cheers at a new edition. As Melony goes to sit down, other first years go to be sorted*  
  
Harry: Hello, my name is Harry, Harry Potter, but I'm sure you've heard of me...  
  
Melony: No, actually, I haven't.  
  
Harry: *ignores her and continues to boast* Well, I got this scar from a nasty wizard named Voldemort, wanna hear about it?  
  
Melony: I'd rather jump in a pond full of pirhanas. *looks towards Ron* What's your name?  
  
Ron: Ron Weasley. I've had some interesting adventures too. Like to hear about them?  
  
Melony: *hehs* No. What's your name, you look normal.  
  
Hermione: Hermione Granger. I'm the one who makes sure these two's plans work. Wanna hear?  
  
Melony: I rather listen to yodeling. *a set of twins sit by Neville*  
  
*after some more first years are sorted into Ravenclaw and Slytherin, Dumbledore speaks*  
  
Dumbledore: Let the feast begin!  
  
*food appears on all the table as Melony screams*  
  
Harry: Would you like some peas and pumpkin juice?  
  
Melony: NO WAY! LIKE I"M GOING TO EAT SOMETHING THAT JUST APPEARED FROM THIN AIR! AND PUMPKIN JUICE? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO GET HIGH ON TO WANT TO DRINK THAT? *Melony pulls her wand out of her pocket to inspect*  
  
Hermione: What are you checking for?  
  
Melony: Instructions on how to get out of this insane asylum!  
  
*After dinner*  
  
Dumbledore: I want the prefects to lead everyone to their common rooms, it is time for bed, and it is a long day ahead of us!  
  
Ron: *gets up* Ok everybody, time to go to our common room!  
  
Melony: Our what?  
  
Ron: Oh, right, American ... it's like a ... what's the word ... living room!  
  
Melony: Oh. Then why don't you just say living room?  
  
Ron: Because this is a school.  
  
Melony: Ah.  
  
A/N: A humorous cliffhanger! Will Melony survive? Will the Hogwartians ever realise they are being mocked by the master mocker? Tune in for Episode Two: Potions Class and Shampoo! 


	2. Potions Class and Shampoo

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things. Will everyone be able to retain their remainder of sanity for episode three?  
  
(noticed that she forgot a disclaimer for episode one)  
  
Disclaimer: A writing goddess. Dung to the world of writing. Guess which I am?  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode Two: Potions Class and Shampoo  
  
*After a long night of trying to avoid Harry and his story of his overly sapped encounters with Voldemort, doing all night tutoring sessions with Hermione, and dodging pick-up lines from Ron, (yea, like I'd be dodging them...) Melony had breakfast and her first class; Potions. She groaned at the thought of dying by having your guts burned to bubbles and bleeding out your mouth. Then, after Harry's millionth time, considered there being worse ways to die, like having your ears bleed at the sound of a voice that cracks every five minutes. Anyway, forwarding on to the entrance of Potions...*  
  
Snape: *walks out slowly* I am a jerk. I expect all of you to angrily live with it while I complain about the poor ass quality of your crappy potions, which they will be. Today we will be making a newly discovered potion where, if you drink it while thinking about a person, whether negatively or positively, that night you will turn into them. If you are being your usual selfish self, and just thinking of yourself, then it will just give you the runs. Now-  
  
Melony: Sir?  
  
Snape: Yes, incompetent being?  
  
Melony: Have you ever heard of a potion called...gah, what's it called...  
  
*Snape begins to look impatient. As he goes to interrupt her..*  
  
Melony: OH YEA, SHAMPOO!  
  
*Melony has a big sarcastic grin on her face as the giant class begins laughing*  
  
Snape: SILENCE!  
  
*but no one hears him*  
  
Snape: CANA! (I forgot to give myself a fake last name the first episode, so Cana it is!) DETENTION FOR A WEEK!  
  
*the class finally shuts up*  
  
Melony: What are you going to make me do, brush your teeth?  
  
*everyone starts giggling, then stops when they see the look on his face*  
  
Snape: Miss Cana, just because someone cannot afford a dental plan while young does not mean you torture then on the quality of their teeth1  
  
Melony: Well, the teeth were no suprise, this being London and all...  
  
*everyone giggles, despite the fact that they are all from London themselves*  
  
Snape: Miss Cana, would you like to be in the Forbidden Forest for just one week, or two?  
  
Melony: What's in the forbidden forest, a few bunnies?  
  
Snape: *growls, and then realises she has done nothing worth increasing punishment, and continues to teach class*  
  
*At lunch*  
  
Melony: *manages to try some thin air peas and water* What's the big deal about that forest?  
  
Harry: Voldemort lives there. They wanted me to go in there a-  
  
Hermione: Harry, you are a good friend of mine, but enough about Voldedork already! The forest is the habitat of many bad creatures.  
  
Harry: Like Vol-  
  
Hermione: Harry, do us ALL a favor and bite your damn tounge until dinner. And next time you say the V word, I swear to god I will use a spell to devour your mouth! Anyways Melony, these creatures, like, for example...well, I am actually not quite sure what kind of creatures actually live there, but they to terrible things.  
  
Harry: Like give babies scars on their for-  
  
Hermione: Harry, damit! *pulls out wand* Caviy Disaro!  
  
*Harry's lips press together, until he has no mouth, and then three spots reopen, leaving him breathing slits. Melony is obviously in shock*  
  
Melony: A-are you a-always that -- harsh?  
  
Hermione: Actually, no. But recently he has been getting on my nerves, and, to be frank, so has Ron...  
  
*Points to Ron, who is waving at a group of girls at the Hufflepuff table*  
  
Melony: Maybe you could attach his hands to the bottom of his feet.  
  
Hermione: No, that would be dark magic.  
  
Melony: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO HARRY?  
  
Hermione: Actually, I don't know. I read how to do that, but I have no clue if it wears off or you have to do a spell or what!  
  
Melony: Can you leave him like that the rest of this year?  
  
*Hermione laughs, but sternly shakes her head, taking Harry to the infirmary*  
  
*that night, at detention. Hermione for sealing Harry's mouth, and Draco, for finally kicking the crap out of Ron for hitting on his girlfriend, come along with Melony and Snape to Dumbledore's office to be given the punishment they deserve...*  
  
A/N Another cliffhanger! What punishiment do they deserve? Will Harry still talk about Voldemort after his mouth returns? Will Ron still be in a sling for hitting on all the dating girls? Watch for Episode Three: Quidditch and Truth or Dare ! 


	3. Quidditch and Truth or Dare

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things. Will everyone be able to retain their remainder of sanity for episode three?  
  
Disclaimer: Would JK Rowling be on a website of people who write to pass the time, or write because they can't get published? Think again, losers!  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode Two: Quidditch and Truth or Dare  
  
*The punishment was indeed bad. They had to pick up all the Hippogriff droppings; without levitating charms. And do you know how big those babies are? The three of them had to hold the shovel! At the end of the week, when they're detention was done, poor Draco had began to fancy Mel's crude sense of humor. (Me? Crude? I wouldn't say crude, but "tastefully impared") Anyway, we return to the first flying class of the year.*  
  
Madame Hooch: Welcome to flying lessons. Today, we are going to be doing some more advanced flying. Not by much, but indeed more complex. I have a course layed out for all of you, so everyone go to the line so-  
  
Melony: Um, Miss, I've never ridden before, are you sure-  
  
Madame Hooch: Sorry, you're a third year, and you do not get any special treatment in my class! Now, everyone go to the line and call up your broom!  
  
*Melony hesitantly walks up to the line, calls up her broom, which comes at the first "UP!", and mounts it. At Hooch's whistle, she starts flying, and completes the course faster than anyone. She gets on the ground, and just stands there. Hooch walks over in shock*  
  
Hooch: Melony! I can't believe you did SO well for a first time flyer! I think Harry has Seeker competition!  
  
Melony: Seeker?  
  
Hooch: *looks back at the course, and sees everyone struggling with the second loop-de-loop* Ok, I'll tell you about Quidditch, but after that, I need to introduce you to Wood...  
  
*Hooch describes Quidditch to Melony, who can't believe such a cool sport exists, and then she walks Melony over to Wood, who is in between classes, and introduces them*  
  
Wood: It is a pleasure to meet you, but we already have a good see-  
  
Hooch: Wood, she is good, REALLY good. I think you should give the girl a chance!  
  
Wood: *sighs, comparing the two in his head* Ok, Saturday, two o' clock, you two will fight for the Seeker position.  
  
*At lunch*  
  
Hermione: You, a seeker? You can barely walk up the stairs to bed, how are you suppose to play a SPORT?  
  
Melony: I don't know, I don't even want to play the damn thing! All I know is Harry is suppose to be totally pissed. Which is probably a positive, since I hate his ass...  
  
*Harry walks to the table, sitting across from Melony*  
  
Harry: Well, I heard a certain someone is after my spot on the team...  
  
Melony: *calmly talking* What are you talking about? I didn't beg for the damn position.  
  
Harry: Sure you didn't. You've been jealous of me since day one!  
  
Melony: Like I'd be jealous of an ego like yours! Your ego is so bad, you BRAG about getting an ugly pussed scar from some nut job!  
  
Harry: I don't brag!  
  
Hermione: Not to argue, but you do. I have made a graph about how many times a day you do ac-  
  
Harry and Melony: SHUT UP! YOU AREN'T INVOLVED!  
  
Melony: Listen, I don't care. All I have to say is, May the best seeker win.  
  
Harry: **** off.  
  
*Harry walks up to the common room*  
  
Melony: What's his problem?  
  
*That night...*  
  
Hermione: Melony, want to play Truth or Dare?  
  
Melony: Sure. Can I go first?  
  
Hermione: Sure, after I get all the other players. Lavendar, you wanna play?  
  
Lavendar: NO!  
  
Hermione: Why not?  
  
Lavendar: Last time I played, I ended up having to kiss Snape on the cheek.  
  
*All three girl yick. After all the players are gathered into the common room at midnight...*  
  
Melony: I start? Ok, Lavendar, Truth or Dare?  
  
Lavendar: Dare!  
  
Melony: I dare you to moon Hagrid through that window!  
  
*Lavendar does so, and then sniggers*  
  
Lavendar: That was a weak one! Herm, truth or dare?  
  
Hermione: TRUTH!  
  
Lavendar: Do you have a crush on a seeker, and if so, who?  
  
Hermione: Yes. Pa-  
  
Lavendar: Hermione, you are forgetting!  
  
Hermione: James King...  
  
Lavendar: The Hufflepuff one that looks like Seamus?  
  
*Hermione glares and blinks*  
  
A/N:How much longer will the Girls of Gryffindor torture each other with rotten truths and dares? Who will end up the new seeker? Did Hagrid actual see Lavendar's full moon, or did somebody else? We'll see on Episode Four: Seekers and Transfigurations ! 


	4. Seekers and Transfigurations

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I own a computer and some clothes and a room. In other words nothing. JK Rowling owns the world with her genius writing skills. I think I've said it all.  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode Four: Seekers and Transfigurations  
  
*The rest of Truth or Dare went horrid. Poor Ginny had to kiss Neville, and Melony ended up having to admit her most embarrassing moment when she wouldn't run naked around Hogwarts. Or is it the other way around? No, I had to right. The rest of the week went rather crappy too, though, with Harry always making sure to spit on Mel's shoes. Well, let's fast forward to the day of the challenge, right before the two head to their compartments.*  
  
Melony: Well, may the best man win!  
  
*Melony grips her wand. Harry goes to spit, when Melony levitates the spit, flinging it on his glasses*  
  
Melony: Or, may the best me win!  
  
*Melony walks off into her match start point; in one of the start compartments. The doors open and she flies to the start point. Hooch walks out on the field to explain the challenge rules*  
  
Hooch: Ok, Here is how it works. You two will go after the snitch, while Fred and George here will be doing their beater duties; but we have rigged the balls slightly so that they come to the ground after being hit so they can work from down here. When I blow my whistle, the snitch will be tossed and the bludgers will be released, 3, 2, 1-  
  
*She blows the whisle, and Harry and Mel's glaring is disconnected while they search for the snitch. Harry spits on instinct, being higher than Mel. Mel dives to the right, avoid the bodily fluid, and then the left, avoiding the bludgers that Fred and George are aiming at her. She sees the snitch and starts flying after it, seeing that Harry cannot see it. She is inches away and grabs for it, but loses her balance, falling forward with a grip on the snitch. While falling, the broom comes down and catches her, slightly suprising her but not letting her let go. She dives down, and hands Hooch the snitch, grinning ear to ear. Harry flies down and glares at her.*  
  
Melony: I think the snitch was sick of your Voldemort stories and your scar.  
  
*Harry stomps off while Wood begins to tell her about the practice schedule*  
  
*At lunch*  
  
Melony: He seemed really upset, he acted as if someone stole his life or something!  
  
Hermione: Well, you kind of did...  
  
Melony: Well, that's what he gets for constantly spitting on my good sneakers...  
  
*Melony notices Harry walk to the table*  
  
Melony: Hey Hermione, what happened to Ron? I know Draco kicked the living daylights out of him, but I haven't seen him since then two weeks ago!  
  
Hermione: I don't know, all I know is that he is really upset because none of his friends have visited his sorry arse...  
  
*Hermione glares at Harry in particular*  
  
Melony: Well, I have transfiguration now, so I best be going...  
  
*Hermione nods, and Melony walks off to class*  
  
*at class*  
  
McGonagall: Today we will be turning gingerbread men into muffins. Simple, and not morally incorrect, though don't get me wrong, I've had some of my favorite moments as a phone  
  
*hears the class snigger*  
  
McGonagall: Of course, that was thirty years ago, and I was really into the gossip...anyway, I will go first, then you can all try  
  
*Flicks her wand, and the gingerbread man turns into a gingerbread muffin with white icing and little candy jewels. Everyone else tries successfully, except Neville, who turns it into a gingerbread rat, and Melony, who turns it into a stick of gingerbread lip gloss*  
  
Melony: * wipes some on her lips* MMM...That tastes good!  
  
McGonagall: Now, everyone needs to turn it into a gingerbread woman...  
  
*Everyone except Neville, Seamus, and Melony are successful. Neville turns it into a watch, Seamus turns it into a pillow, and Melony turns it into a stick of blueberry lip gloss*  
  
Melony: MMM...that tastes better!  
  
*Then Melony turns it into a muffin and a gingerbread woman*  
  
McGonagall: Miss Cana, if you could already do that, why did you turn it into two types of lip gloss?  
  
Melony: Oh, I've had chapped lips since I got over the Atlantic!  
  
A/N Will Melony get disiplined for being a selfish little teen brat? Will she do good on the new quidditch team? Is Wood on his 8th year at Hogwarts? And WHO saw Lavendar's full moon? Check for Episode Five: Full Moons and the Shrink ! 


	5. Full Moons and the Shrink

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: I'm lucky to own two stuff ducks. 'Nough said!  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode Five: Full Moons and the Shrink  
  
*Melony ended up doing two days detention for having no respect for elders. Her Punishment? Had to clean cauldrons. By the end, she had invisible spots and three guys in love with her for a week. For a day she almost switched bodies with Harry, but that's another story. Moving on to a scene in the Headmaster's Room...*  
  
Dumbledore: *After there is a knock on the door*Come in!  
  
*Hagrid walks in*  
  
Hagrid: 'Ello, Dumbledore. (I can't write Hagrid-ch, so Normal english for Haggierid!) This is about some of those girls in Gryffindor.  
  
*Dubledore nods*  
  
Hagrid: Well, I think they've bin playing that game again...  
  
Dumbledore: What makes you say that?  
  
*Muffled talking from Hagrid occurs. Dumbledore becomes shocked*  
  
Dumbledore: They WHAT?  
  
Hagrid: And it was pretty bad. As a matter of fact, I was working with Colin Creevey, because he had detention for sending a teacher a howler when 80 points was taken from his house when he was showing some pictures from the *cough* girls shower room...  
  
*Hagrid shakes his head*  
  
Hagrid: Anyway, after Creevey saw the, *cough* lunar sighting, he went into shock, as if he had looked at a baby basilisk! That's why he hasn't been at class; the poor boy has been in a semi-petrified state.  
  
*Dumbledore gapes*  
  
Hagrid: Should I question the girls on the matter?  
  
Dumbledore: No, they have probably forgotten by now. However, I will tell Minerva to try what she can to keep a better eye on the girls...  
  
*that night, at the girls dorm...*  
  
*More Truth or Dare! Hermione, Mel, Violet, Ginny, and Parvarti sit in a circle, getting ready to do special edition truth or dare!*  
  
Hermione: Ok, this is how it works, someone will call on you and give you a dare. If you don't do it, you have to send a howler to Dumbledore revealing a secret! Ready, Ginny, you start!  
  
Ginny: Hermione, go find Neville and *whispers in her ear*  
  
Hermione: Oh GOD no!  
  
*Ginny nods*  
  
Hermione: Oh, OK!  
  
*Neville walks in, at which Hermione walks up and hugs him*  
  
Hermione: That was painful!  
  
Melony: THAT was it?  
  
Hermione: We need to stick to our G rating.  
  
Melony: Oh yea, I forgot.  
  
*Melony rolls her eyes*  
  
Hermione: Parv-  
  
*Minerva stomps in angrily, seeing the girls playing Truth or Dare*  
  
McGonagall: I can't believe you girls! I already took points last year from you for doing this! One hundred points each from Gryffindor!  
  
Melony: But we only have two hundred!  
  
McGonagall: Oh...well...then you are at a negative stance of points! Improve your grades instead of these childish games, and you might earn them back much quicker!  
  
*The next morning, at therapy*  
  
Draco: I-I-IT W-W-WA-WAS LIKE A FAT FACE, ONLY THERE WAS A B-B-BIG CRACK DOWN THE MIDDLE! I-I-IT H-H-HAD SOME EX-X-EXTREM-EM-EXTREMITY OF AC-AC- ACNE! I-I-IT WAS A B-B-BEAST!  
  
*at the main room of Hogwarts*  
  
Dumbledore: We have noticed an error we so deeply missed last year; Oliver Wood's 7th year! We accidentally held him back into his 8th! So today, we gradutate young Wood from Hogwarts and congratulate him.  
  
*Wood runs from the insanity that is hogwarts*  
  
Dumbledore: Now, we know that young Harry was deeply disappointed at his lost of the seeker position. Especially to a girl. A-  
  
*Dumbledore notices everyone staring at him*  
  
Dumbledore: Anyway, we are going to give Harry Wood's keeper position. But, we are going to give the captain position to...Melony!  
  
Melony: *Stands on her chair* Listen, I just want to say; I am fed up of it! I don't want the freaking captain position! I don't mind being on the team, but for god's sake you don't know if I'm any good and you are giving me things left and right! Give Harry the position, cause I don't want it!  
  
*Melony storms out*  
  
Dumbledore: Actually, I had just gotten the announcement from Minerva that she had to stay over winter break, and to stop flinging her peas at Neville! I was going to give Harry the position! But, she had to ruin the suprise. Rotten child...  
  
A/N Will Draco continue to be in therapy for whatever he saw? Will Melony find out that Harry is the real captain? Will the girls try to play Truth or Dare? Will the writer EVER get sick of these phony cliffhangers? Find out in Episode 6: Voldemort and Makeovers. Just kidding! No creepy makeover for a LONG time! So, look for Episode 6: Charms and Cho-Chang! 


	6. Charms and ChoChang!

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: Is it possible for a girl to run out of disclaimers? Well, if she doesn't own any more it is possible. Which reminds me, not only am I running low on disclaimers, but I own nothing! Meanwhile, JK Rowling is SWIMMING in money and crap. And why would you think I was her in the first place? *mutters* People...  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode Six: Charms and Cho-Chang!  
  
*Harry eventually came up and apologised to Mel for being so rude. He didn't say why, he just said his sorries, and went to bed. Mel just ignored it and went to sleep, and started realising that Draco hadn't been to class since that first game of truth or dare. Then again, neither had Creevey. And Hagrid had been having difficulties with his teaching duties. Mel started thinking crazy things, but fell asleep before she could keep them for memory. At therapy...*  
  
Draco: T-T-THE BEAST HAS B-B-BEGUN TO H-H-HAUNT MY D-D-DREAMS! I-I-IT STARES AT M-M-ME AND T-T-TAUNTS ME WHILE I T-T-TRY TO BECOME AN EQUAL OF P- P-POTTER'S! I-I-IT ISN'T F-F-FAIR!  
  
*Back in Normalville (or at least as normal as Hogwarts gets)*  
  
Melony: *is walking with Hermione to Charms, which is next door to Hermione's DADA* Harry has been acting wierd lately. I have only known his *cough* jerk self, but is he always this *cough* quiet?  
  
Hermione: Oh, it's Cho; she was in Romania studying something...  
  
Melony: Cho?  
  
Hermione: Cho Chang, the girl from Ravenclaw...  
  
Melony: OH, right, you told me about her and how Harry *ak-hem*  
  
Hermione: Right. Oh, here is my class, see you later!  
  
*Hermione walks into class, and Melony runs up so she isn't late for class*  
  
Flitwick: OH! Hello Miss Cana! Glad you could make it on time today! Well, today we will be doing a very special set of charms. Therefore, I have a special teacher here with me for a joint class! Welcome Mr. Ecorde, from DADA!  
  
*A wall turns and then disappears, showing a tape recorder with eyes and a little red mouth*  
  
Melony: THAT is a teacher?  
  
Flitwick: Well, we either enchanted this, or one of those *cough* flip pens...  
  
Melony: Oh-Kaay...  
  
*Melony questions whether she is the only sane one, or hearing things when she notices no one reacting*  
  
Flitwick: Anyway, today we are going to be learning the body binding charms. There are four kinds, but the reasons we are doing this with DADA is because we want you to try them on...Mr. Ecorde, will you pull the curtain?  
  
*Ecorde floats over and pulls a string, revealing a bunch of...trolls! The trolls stampede over, but Flitwick mutters a term and waves his wand, and they all freeze*  
  
Flitwick: Of course, we want you to learn the spells first!  
  
*Flitwick teaches them all four spells; One body binds so they can't move at all, one just does the upper half, one just does the lower half, and one freezes all but the eyes (I don't know the dang names!) *  
  
Flitwick: One, two, three, BEGIN!  
  
*Flitwick flicks his wand, and the trolls start running. Everyone but Neville and Melony freeze a troll. Neville speeds it up, while Melony levitates it, throwing it out the window*  
  
Flitwick: Now, Miss Cana, why did you do that?  
  
Melony: Because if you bind them, you have to unbind them eventually, at which time they'll kill you. However, if you throw them out a window, they will die, therefore you will still be alive.  
  
*Melony smiles sweetly*  
  
*At dinner*  
  
Melony: DETENTION! THE MINI ME GAVE ME DETENTION! AND I MADE MORE SENSE! BUT DOES ANYBODY BLOODY CARE? NO!  
  
Hermione: Calm down, you are going to burst a vain. Besides, the teacher is always right, not the student.  
  
Melony: BUT _I_ WAS RIGHT! WHEN YOU DO UNFREEZE THEM, THEY WILL KILL YOU! JUST THROW THEM OUT A DAMN WINDOW!  
  
Harry: Or steal their power with a sc-  
  
Hermione and Melony: HARRY SHUT UP!  
  
Hermione: Hey, we are going to try to play truth or dare again tonight...  
  
Melony: And lose 400 points again?  
  
Hermione: Actually, we are going to play in the Forbidden Forest...  
  
Melony: Oh, that changes everything, let me rephrase. And lose 800 more points, on top of 400?  
  
Hermione: Hey, it was Parvarti's idea, and I like it!  
  
Melony: Well I don't, count me out!  
  
*that night, The same five girls are entering the Forbidden Forest, except Melony has been tied to a BBQ pole by her hands and feet, and Ginny and Hermione are carrying her into the forest*  
  
Melony: I said count me out, not cook me up! I have detention, and if I am missing, points wi-  
  
Hermione: Melony, shut up! Listen, we aren't in here to play truth or dare, actually, we are here to do something for Hagrid. There is a student that has been in therapy, and he wanted us to get him!  
  
Melony: THEN WHY IN BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DRAGGING ME ALONG?  
  
Hermione: Because Hagrid sad the kid likes you, and it is the only way to get him out! See, whatever he saw drove him crazy! He obtained a stutter, and dreams about whatever he saw! They can't get him to leave, so we are using you as bait!  
  
Melony: OH WHAT FUN!  
  
A/N What will happen when they use poor Mel as Malfoy bait? Will they lose points for traveling through the forest? Will we ever find out what Cho Chang had to do with this episode? Find out in Episode 7: Stutters and Mid- Terms ! 


	7. Stutters and MidTerms

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an american named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: I can't think of anything funny now, so, I own nothing, JK Rowling owns the world!  
  
(I am writing this in what everyone thinks is scriptform. Real script form is quite hard to write though interesting to read. How do I know this? Because I am studying screenwriting for the semester, so HA!)(Oh, and sorry if I am stealing your idea, tpaca. But writer's block is kicking my arse big time, so...)  
  
Episode 7: Stutters and Mid-Terms  
  
*On the other side of the forest, at Unicorn's Mental Therapy*  
  
Hermione: Dra-co!  
  
*Hermione giggles, deciding to mess with his insane mind*  
  
Hermione: Well, Malfoy, at least mudbloods are sane, now aren't they?  
  
*Hermione giggles more, but then re-obtains her posture when she realises she is the only one that finds it funny. Draco looks out the window, like a dog who heard a noise outside a window. He notices Melony and runs out the door*  
  
Draco: MY PRECIOUS!  
  
*Golem runs out the door behind him, and begins jumping around*  
  
Golem: THAT'S MY LINE! THAT'S MY LINE!  
  
*A doctor comes up behind him and puts him in a pretty white jacket that makes him unable to move. Now that I've gotten that out of my system, as Draco approaches Melony, Lavendar steps in front of him, and does a spell so that he has forgotten about the lunar sighting*  
  
Draco: WHAT IN BLOODY HELL WAS I DOING IN A MENTAL INSTITUTE? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON A BBQ POLE?  
  
Melony: Um...You had a bad dream that you couldn't forget, and...um...er...I was put on here by an angry wolfman. Hermione, can you untie me please? I have to get to detention; more hippogriff dropping to shovel...  
  
*Hermione unties her, and she runs off. Detention was very bad, since she was the only one in detention. By the time she finished, she couldn't go to sleep, due to Hermione insisting on helping her with Mid-Term studies. Fast forward to breakfast*  
  
Melony: Hermione, I already heard that this year's Mid-Terms are just going to be essays about what we've learn, due to first years constantly blowing up the cauldrons! And they don't start for two weeks!  
  
*Melony nearly falls into her mush*  
  
Hermione: Well, you need to know what you are going to be writing, don't you?  
  
Melony: I was thinking I'd kiss behind and write a biography for each teacher I have.  
  
Hermione: Except for Snape right?  
  
Melony: Who I will be writing how to make the Polyjuice Potion to.  
  
Hermione: P-P-P-POLYJUICE?  
  
Melony: Yea, I know it is something you don't learn until seventh year, so I thought it would be very helpful.  
  
Hermione: R-R-R-RESTRICTED!  
  
Melony: Oh, I saved up for an invisible cloak!  
  
Hermione: How much was it?  
  
Melony: Oh, I'm going to buy it at Hogsmeade.  
  
Hermione: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HOGSMEADE?  
  
Melony: Heh, I, err, heh, read a, heh heh, certain diary.  
  
Hermione: OH MY GOD! THAT MEANS...YOU...KNOW...A...R...  
  
Melony: Calm down, I only the page where you said you, Ron, and Harry were going to go to Hogsmeade on Saturday.  
  
Hermione: Oh.  
  
*a pause of sound*  
  
Melony: And the one that said you tried to kiss-  
  
Hermione: Shut up and I'll buy the cloak for you!  
  
Melony: DEAL!  
  
*Melony thinks, 'I am so glad Ron told me about Hogsmeade, so I could use that you tried to kiss someone trick!'*  
  
*Two weeks later...The trip to Hogsmeade was great! Mel tried some rubber, raspberry, and gingerbread Bernie Bott's and butterbeer. And Hermione bought her the cloak, although Melony told her after she bought it that she just tricked her. And yes, she did use it to get into the restricted section to learn how to make Polyjuice. It is the day after Mid-Terms, and the grades have been posted*  
  
Melony: Let's see A, A, A, A, A, A+! I even got Snape's good side!  
  
Ron and Harry: Show-off!  
  
Hermione: Well, I got all As!  
  
Ron: Hermione, quit while your ahead! We already know that you are master of all you survey, ok?  
  
*Hermione smiles semi-evilly*  
  
Melony: Yay, now that winter vacation is almost here, maybe some interesting things will happen other than me getting detention *stares at a certain writer*  
  
A/N Will the writer think of some interesting things to happen over winter holiday? Will Draco remember what he saw? Will someone get sick of these cliffhangers? Find out in Episode Eight: Holidays and Dances ! 


	8. Holidays and Dances

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an American named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Same as seven episodes ago. JK Rowling owns everything I don't have. Just like seven episodes again.  
  
(I want to apologize for not installing and episode for so long. I had a long two weeks. San Francisco. Wedding shopping with sister. Jelly Belly Factory. Rock Climbing class. Endless list of things to do. You get the idea.)  
  
Episode 8: Holidays and Dances  
  
*A week after the posting of Midterms, the Christmas Holiday started. Melony decided to stay, because Hermione was staying and she was FAR too cheap to pay for a ticket, despite the fact that she can ride a broom. Harry HAD to stay, due to the fact that the fat, ugly, miserable donkies known as the Dursleys didn't want an abnormality in their perfect house (and Dudley ate all the food, so Petunia had to go on welfare, and she can barely afford to care for a family of three, let alone a family of three and an abnormal slave. Serves them right!) , And Ron and Ginny had to stay due to their parents usual holiday thing, and the fact that they have to help Dumbledore with some things. On to the first day of Holiday...*  
  
Melony: Thank HEAVEN for vacations!  
  
*Starts thinking for a few minutes, then sighs*  
  
Melony: Except when you don't have anything to do...maybe I should go wake Hermie...  
  
*Gets up and goes into the common room to see that Hermione is already awake, playing Wizard's Chess with a first-year. She says something that Mel doesn't understand, and then says checkmate*  
  
Hermione: Dang, I never win! Hi Melony!  
  
Melony: Hi Hermie, um...what do you do around here for fun?  
  
*Hermione goes to talk*  
  
Melony: ASIDE from studying?  
  
Hermione: Oh, um, well, we could look around after breakfast for some sort of mystery. That's usually what ends up happening with Harry and Ron when I'm with them...  
  
Melony: Oh, that sounds cool.  
  
*After breakfast...*  
  
Hermione: Let's go outside. I've seen some weird wind patterns happening out there...  
  
Melony: Hermione, it's winter, isn't the wind pattern always strange? *Sigh* And what about Harry and Ron? Aren't they the adventure masters?  
  
Mysterious girly voice: And what about me?  
  
*Hermione and Melony turn around to see Ginny in a pink Voldie robe hiding in the shadows*  
  
Ginny: What? They were out of black!  
  
Melony: Oh what do you want?  
  
Ginny: I never get to go on any adventures unless I'm the damsel in distress! All I am is a damn plot saviour! I want to be the plot starter!  
  
Melony: *mutters* Then you should have appeared eight episodes ago...  
  
Ginny: What?  
  
Melony: Oh, nothing.  
  
Hermione: Fine, Ginny, you can go with us, under one condition...  
  
Ginny: What?  
  
Hermione: Lose the Halloween costume...  
  
*Ten minutes later, after breakfast, Ginny, Melony, and Hermione go outside to study the "strange wind patterns". After another twenty minutes searching around, they find something...*  
  
Ginny: Look, we've found something!  
  
Melony: We know.  
  
Ginny: Well, let's go check it out!  
  
*The three girls slowly advance to what they've found. They see a dark cloaked figure trying to work on a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces are thrown around a black and steel blue picnic mat, and the box shows a picture of Mickey and Minnie Mouse. There are also a few finished puzzles of Teletubbies and Oscar the Grouch. The girls run before he can see them*  
  
Melony: Hermione, promise me, that when I ask for something we could do on a holiday, don't give up the offer of 'let's search the castle for some sort of mystery'!  
  
Hermione: *has extreme fear in her eyes* DONE!  
  
Ginny: AND WHAT ABOUT ME?  
  
Melony and Hermione: WE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU!  
  
*A few weeks later, after the end of break, Dumbledore calls everyone into the main hall for an important announcement*  
  
Dumbledore: I have an important announcement!  
  
Melony: NO, REALLY?  
  
Dumbledore: I have decided that we shall have a school dance. Tomorrow. After class. Oh, and I just noticed that I forgot to let in a Mary Sue. So, everyone say hi to Mary Sue Poger. That is all; go to class before I tell Snape to start taking points.  
  
*Everyone runs in fear. The next night, at the dance. Hermione and Melony are at a table, Hermione in a fancy dress, Melony in jeans and a Haight Ashbury T-shirt (Ya Know, the kind with the pot leaf on them?). Hermione is sitting like a lady; Melony is leaning back in her chair with her feet on the table. People are flashing looks of disgust her way, and trying to figure what kind of plant that is on her shirt, and what Higher ED. is...*  
  
Hermione: Couldn't you at least've worn a tube top or something?  
  
Melony: It doesn't matter; Mary Sue is gonna have laided every guy by midnight...  
  
Hermione: I guess that's true...But did you have to turn down Draco so impolitely when he asked to dance with you?  
  
Melony: Yea, he is a creepy guy, besides, well, he's...creepy.  
  
Hermione: Well, here comes Mary Sue, and she's wearing...the exact same thing as YOU!  
  
*Mary Sue walks in, wearing the exact same outfit. Suddenly, every guy knows what pot is, and gets the Higher ED. joke, and now want to be potheads. Mary Sue then runs to the changing room and changes into a beautiful dress. Now every guy wants to quit drugs so they can get on Mary Sue's good side...*  
  
Melony: It's official; men are giant slobs...  
  
Hermione: I hope R-I mean, someone asks me to dance. Don't you want someone to ask you to dance?  
  
Melony: No! Besides, in America, all the girls just sit and talk about every cute guy in the hall while the guys try to get the girl's attention. But then again, I use to home school, so I might just be stereotyping...  
  
Hermione: Oh...AHH!  
  
Melony: WHAT?  
  
*Melony looks to see Mary Sue dancing with...ohmigod...RON!*  
  
Melony: *laughs* YOU...LIKE...RON?  
  
*Hermione blushes a nice crimson. Yep, a nice apple red. You bet, a nice magenta. Yup, nice and pink. Then Melony yells at the narrarator for using all the different tones of red to explain Hermie's blushing*  
  
Melony: Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I think he has his eyes somewhere else...  
  
Hermione: Like her bra?  
  
Melony: Yep, you guessed right...  
  
*Takes a sip from her soda*  
  
A/N: Will Ron get into a 'serious' relationship with Mary Sue? Will Hermione become angst ridden at the sight? Will Melony ever figure out who was doing those gay kiddy puzzles? Find out in Episode Nine: Mary Sue and an Adventure  
  
Real A/N: I realized that I haven't really thanked anyone for liking my story, so I want to now. Thank you WormmonABC for being the first person to give a positive review on my story. Thanks outoftheordinary for liking my story and putting me on your favorite writers list. Gracias Ivory Tower for just reviewing! You are one of my favorite writers on this site, and I love your HP parodies, and I really liked that you liked my story. And thank you for reviewing anonymous writer, I like that people like my stories. And miss 'M'Dear', I had said in the beginning that I wasn't using REAL script style.  
  
Also, The scene with the puzzles I got from Doom Song's "The Fic that Lived". I will quote the part is it based on...  
  
"~"We shall finish what the Dark Lord started!" [Lucius] yelled. Everyone cheered as Malfoy placed the last piece of the puzzle in the correct spot. Revealed was a picture of Mickey and Minnie mouse. Malfoy cleared his throat. ~" I thought that was rather humorous, so I borrowed it. Oh, and please review this! I really like reviews, because then I know what I should and shouldn't fix. THANKS! 


	9. Mary Sue and an Adventure

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an American named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: BOW TO JK ROWLING! BOOK FIVE ON 6/21! DUMBLEDORE REVEALS ALL! *Suddenly feels like she is trying to sell a gossip magazine *  
  
Episode 9: Mary Sue and an Adventure  
  
*As you probably predicted, Mary Sue made every girl's life a living hell, and made the male hogwartians MORE than happy. The only person that seemed unaffected by the little plot column was Melony. As a matter of fact, she found the whole ordeal rather...well...humourous. This caused many jealous girls to become rather ... well ... jealous. Within a week they got over Mary Sue when they realized that another plot thing was coming up, and that she might die later on anyway. Kidding! But anyway, fast forwarding to lunch a week and a half after Mary Sue's strut in...*  
  
Trelawney: *runs up to Melony* I sense strange things in your future! Get out of this hall and head to class before you have to witness them!  
  
Melony: Trelawney, you've missed that line by a few episodes. Now, if you'd excuse me, your in my ora.  
  
Trelawney: *naively* I-I am?  
  
Melony: Yes, you are, now, go some where to get out of it.  
  
Trelawney: *starts walking backwards* Here?  
  
Melony: *Begins Yelling* FARTHER!  
  
Trelawney: HERE?  
  
Melony: FARTHER!  
  
Trelawney: HOW ABOUT HERE?  
  
Melony: NO, STILL IN IT, TRY GOING TO THE ASTROLOGY TOWER!  
  
Trelawney: OK! I'LL TRY THAT! THANKS!  
  
*Trelawney runs out. The room fills with feminine cheering, but for a different reason..*  
  
*Legolas bursts through the door, dancing in a forest green tutu*  
  
Legolas: I feel-PREETY! Oh so-PRETTY! I FEEL PREETY AND WITTY AND GA-A-A- A-A-Y!  
  
*A loud whining fills the room*  
  
Hermione: He means happy you imbosuls!  
  
*Cheering reoccurs*  
  
Melony: Oh god...  
  
*As Legolas goes for a standing split, Voldemort bursts through the door with a group of death eaters, who are also cheering like little girls, and wearing polka-dotted pink and white hoods*  
  
Voldemort: OH MY GOD CAN WE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!  
  
*A high pitch scream emerges from Voldemort as Legolas goes to sign his book. Then Legolas starts running very quickly as death eaters go to maul him. Then McGonagall bursts though the door*  
  
McGonagall: DAMN PLOTHOLES!  
  
*McGonagall yelled as if trying to hint Melony that this was a plot start*  
  
Melony: *looks stunned as a large group of girls get up and run after Legolas, despite the fact that Voldemort is a major threat, leaving just Melony and all the male students (except for Seamus and Neville) to sit there* My god...that was just downright scary...  
  
*Later that day, after DADA, before Dinner*  
  
Hermione: He was SOO hot!  
  
Melony: He is FLAAAMING gay!  
  
Hermione: No he isn't!  
  
Melony: Ok, that isn't a guaranteed FACT, but he was in a FREAKING TUTU! Doesn't that make you suspicious?  
  
Hermione: Nope.  
  
Melony: You know, for being such a bright kid, you really are dumb. And what about that nutcase we read about...what's his name...Gilderoy?  
  
Hermione: Oh, well, he's hot too.  
  
Melony: *mutters* Yea, as an icecube...  
  
Ron: Personally, I was scared of the freak...  
  
*Ron walks up with Harry, who are also talking about the same situation*  
  
Harry: Yea, and what was up with the death eaters and Voldemort in...pink?  
  
Ron: AHH! DON'T SAY THAT!  
  
Melony: Yea, VOLDEMORT in pink was definately creepy!  
  
Ron: AHHHHHHHH!  
  
Hermione: Death Eaters in BLUE was creepy, when *sigh* Elijah came to Hogwarts for the summer, but VOLDEMORT in pink...  
  
*Ron passes out*  
  
Melony: Y'know, if I hadn't been stuck with this for so long, I would have stamped him crazy. But, I have already stamped everyone here ages ago.  
  
*The three enter the hall to see Mary Sue handing out flyers. Melony takes a look at the flyer. "Promote a Class Democracy" the header reads. Melony has a vision of a school ran by big-busted twelve year old Victoria Secret models, and floats away the paper quickly, tossing it on the troll from a few episodes ago.*  
  
Mary Sue: What was that for? Do you not support a school democracy?  
  
Melony: Actually, I don't support the MarySueDemocracy *fakes an obnoxious smile*  
  
Mary Sue: Oh what-so-ever does that mean?  
  
Melony: Exactly, now, If you'd excuse me, I'm really hungry, and bimbos have a tendancy to ruin my appitite.  
  
*Ron suddenly wakes, and knows the situation*  
  
Ron: You shouldn't be so mean to Mary Sue! She might be the new class president!  
  
Melony: VOLDEMORT!  
  
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAA*runs towards the Hospital Wing*  
  
Melony: *rolls her eyes* God, I'm hungry. Hrmn, now, what do we have?  
  
*A big pile of doughnuts appear at the center of all the tables, and the goblets fill with ultra-fattening cherry-berry soda.*  
  
Everyone: AWESOME!  
  
Mary-Sue: *looks sad* Oh what will I do without my celery and diet water?  
  
Melony: I dunno, squeeze that dangly thing at the back of your throat?  
  
Mary-Sue: Like, oh my god thank you!  
  
Melony: *ducks a hug from her, not wanting whatever she has*  
  
Dumbledore: Okay, I have an announcement! I just want to confirm that yes, that was Legolas *the girls (and Seamus and Neville) swoon*, yes, that was Voldemort and the death eaters, but no, this was not intentional.  
  
Minera: *coughLIEcouch*  
  
Dumbledore: Now, you may continue with Sprout's pick of the year, doughnuts!  
  
*The crowd yays, and begins to eat. Mary Sue pigs out the most, looking as if she hasn't eaten ever, which everyone considers as a high possibility. Halfway through the meal, another strange sight comes along...*  
  
Richard Simmons: I cannot believe this! This is totally barbaric *starts handing out celery*  
  
Dumbledore: Excuse me how did you get here?  
  
Simmons: I use to go to Beauxbatons.  
  
Dumbledore: You're not muggle?  
  
Simmons: Come on, if I was a muggle, I'd be dead right now!  
  
Melony: God help me.  
  
*Neville and Seamus swoon. Melony slowly inches away from them. After twenty minutes, Dumbledore has finally gotten Simmons into the forest. Dumbledore is then reminded of another announcement.*  
  
Dumbledore: I want to remind you that the Ministry of Magic has made Muggle Studies a required class for 3rd-7th years, due to muggleism. This is something we now want prevented, so, weekly you will be taught Muggle Studies...  
  
Melony: What if we were raised by muggles?  
  
Dumbledore: We also want to prevent hate of naive witches and wizards, so we want muggle-borns to learn their ways from another point of view.  
  
*Many moans are heard, from both muggle-borns and Slytherins. Mary Sue comes back from the girl's corridor, wiping something from the side of her mouth*  
  
Mary Sue: What's going on?  
  
A/N: What will happen at Muggle Studies? Will Ron come out of the hospital wing okay? Does Mary Sue have a new past time? Will Legolas return? Find out in Episode Ten- Slytherins and Snape's Disposition.  
  
A/N: SO SORRY ABOUT NOT UPDATING! I started doing other things *I.E. living* and stopped writing. A block, one might say. But, I feel more confident in my writing, and will stick to updating more! 


	10. Slytherins and Snapes Disposition

The New Kid  
  
Summary: Hogwarts is a great school with really smart teachers and respecting students. That is, until an American named Melony arrives, ruining the place with her down-to-earth, but sometimes depressing point of view on things.  
  
Disclaimer: God, your skulls are thick; I-OWN-NOTHING!  
  
Episode 10- Slytherins and Snape's Disposition  
  
*Melony didn't sleep well that night, constantly dreaming about Legolas going for a standing split in a kilt, and Voldemort doing the same. When she finally got some decent sleep...*  
  
Mary Sue: Like, wake u-up!  
  
Melony:Meh?  
  
*Mary Sue looks much thinner than the night before, only having an extreme bust line. She still looks very happy, however*  
  
Melony: what are you doing waking me up at ... 5 in the morning? And what happened to all your weight?  
  
Mary Sue: I took your advice, and I have a push-up bra. Besides, I'm a new Chaser. Katie was taking magical steroids.  
  
Melony: Hey, you do realise that I was kidding about making yourself vomit right?  
  
*the comment has gone on deaf ears. She has already bounced out of the room, either to change into her robes or to vomit. Melony gets up slowly, and grabs her robes. In addition she also gets her broom. She slowly walks down to the common room, deciding to wait for Harry. Why not, after all, he is the new captain. Then, she remembers something.*  
  
Melony: Today isn't quidditch training; today's double muggle studies with all four houses and double potions with Slytherin. I have two hours to sleep.  
  
*four hours later, after breakfast and before Muggle Studies...*  
  
Melony: I'm telling you, Mary Sue has lost her mind!  
  
Hermione: What mind?  
  
Melony: You know, that little peanut attached to her spine? Well, she woke me up for Quidditch practice, and you know what? There's no practice in the morning anymore, because Harry says his scar needs rest!  
  
*Hermione and Melony finally get to the Astronomy Tower, which is being used for the only class the whole school has to take together. Hermione and Melony go and stand next to a very tall first year Ravenclaw with long brown hair, who has most of her hair in a pink hair clip that says in sparkles 'Mandy'. They wait ten minutes for the teacher...*  
  
Snape: WHY HELLO!  
  
*Snape happily walks out in a pink robe. Because he washed his hair, it is now a blonde-ish tint, and he is wearing a white suit under the pink robe. He looks happy.*  
  
Mandy: OMiGo-o-o-o-d! PINK! I LOVE PINK!  
  
*The Mandy girl nearly loses her mind, suffering from a pink overdose. Sevvie (which he has now changed his name to) happily bounces to the chalkboard. Malfoy is seen suffering from a major heart attack*  
  
Sevvie: Okay, today we are going to learn about the glorious, wonderful world of the non-magical folk! *he slowly bounces away from the chalkboard to replace the torches with pink roses and lilies* See, these folk are very special, in the sense that they cannot survive without magic, which is, like, so totally WONDERFUL!  
  
Mandy: -pi-nk-pi-nk-pi-nk-  
  
Dumbledore: Oh, by the way, I want to apologise to everyone. We had a staff meeting, and someone cursed the turntable so Severus is like this. Unfortunately, he'll be healed in a week...  
  
Melony: Oh...how joyous...  
  
Sevvie: The first thing we'll be doing, is, like learning how to water without a wand! Then, we'll move on to the more, like, totally complex coloring pictures with an, like item called crayons.  
  
Melony: Oh, bleck.  
  
Mandy: -pi-nk-pi-nk-pi-nk-pi-nk-pi-nk-pi-nk-  
  
*This continued for TWO HOURS. Well, 'Sevvie', that is. After about five minutes Mandy finally coped and started trying to befriend Melony. At first, Melony was just downright...scared of her. But, eventually, they started talking, and Mandy and Melony befriended each other. However, Hermione just couldn't handle the happiness that is Mandy. Anyway, after Muggle Studies, there was...lunch...*  
  
Sevvie: ...and pink tulips for you...and magenta daisies for you...and red roses for you...  
  
*well, that wasn't very eventful, so let's skip to double potions...*  
  
Sevvie: ...and a pink sight potion for you...and a love potion for you...and an eternally happy potion for you...and two hundred points for you, and you, and you, just for wearing red!  
  
*The sound of Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, and every other male Slytherin hitting the floor is heard, while the Slytherin girls sigh dreamily*  
  
Melony: God save me...  
  
Sevvie: 5 point from you, you, and all of you, for wearing green...nasty ickie!  
  
*Well, that, too, was uneventful. Skipping to Melony and Mandy in the girl's out of order bathroom to talk about their day*  
  
Melony: Do me a favor, and KILL ME NOW!  
  
Mandy: Oh come on, he's not THAT bad...  
  
Melony: Uh...he spent potions handing out points and pink tranquilizers...  
  
Mandy: *sigh* I know...  
  
Melony: riiiite...hey, what do you think of Lockheart?  
  
Mandy: Nasty bugger...  
  
Melony: *phweew*  
  
Mandy: Never once did he wear pink, he overly favored blue...  
  
Melony: yea, right, hey, how did you get into Ravenclaw?  
  
Mandy: Oh, well, I'm mainly a computer cling-on, so I was sorted via my dolling ability and which art program I owned.  
  
Melony: I think this will be the start of a beautiful friendship...  
  
A/N: Will Snape really get cured? Will Mandy and Melony become friends? Will there be anything interesting happening any time soon? Find out on Episode 11-Voldemort's Attack and Snape's Sink! - kidding, no black sinks - Episode 11- Voldemort's Attack and Lucius' Visit! 


End file.
